Sunday, May 22, 2011

Being unable to find a marriage partner

Question: I am a 30-year-old female who have not been able to get married, though having no ethical or physical faults and defects. People around me are gossiping about me, saying, "She has been left on the shelf." I am in this situation through no fault of my own. Is it from qadar, too?

The heretical sect called the Jabriyyah puts the blame on qadar. As for the Mu'tazilite sect, it denies the role of qadar. Everything happens by the will and preordainment of Allahu ta'ala. Qadar is always from Allahu ta'ala, whether it is good or bad, sweet or dismal. Qadar is Allahu ta'ala's foreknowing in eternal past the things that will take place. Qada' is His creating anything just compatibly with qadar when the time comes.

After one takes measures and applies proper means, if one is not blessed with the lot of marriage, it will be wrong to distress oneself because of it. "Nasibuke yusibuke," as the saying goes. It means, "If something was preordained for you, you will certainly obtain it."

In order to be freed from troubles, to perform acts of worship comfortably, and to refrain from prohibited things, it is necessary to make du'a (supplication, prayer) with patience. Our Master the Prophet stated, "Du'a is the weapon of a Believer" (Ibn Abi ad-Dunya).

In addition to it, it is declared in the Qur'an al-karim, "O you who believe! Seek help from Allah through patience and salat" (Al-Baqarah 153).

As is seen, patience, salat, and du'a are of great importance. Trouble befalls man because of his insistence on some things. One should take precautions but should not rely on precautions, for precautions cannot thwart Allah's decree. It is fard to submit to Allah's decree and preordainment and to believe in it. It is declared in a hadith-i sharif:
(Being pleased with qadar is a sign of happiness. Being displeased with it is a sign of unhappiness.) [Tirmidhi]

Hadrat Muhammad Ma'thum says:
Worries and grief that befall man come by divine will and preordainment, so he should be pleased with them. He should keep performing acts of worship, endure worries and diseases with patience, and expect welfare from Allah's grace. He should not expect anything from creatures and should know well that everything comes from Allahu ta'ala. He should make supplication and ask for forgiveness so as to be delivered from grief and troubles. No one can harm anyone except by His will and decree. Nevertheless, applying means is the way of prophets. He should also ask Allahu ta'ala to give effectiveness to means. (Vol. 1, Letter 72)

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