Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Right of wife - What is the way to get on well with our wives?

He who wants his wife to have beautiful morals should himself have beautiful morals first! In the Qur’ân al-karîm, it is declared that calamities striking people are caused by their sins. Thus, he who observes the commandments and prohibitions of our religion gets on well with his wife.

Hadrat Fudayl bin Iyâd declares:
“By means of my wife’s bad temper, I used to understand if I made something religiously inappropriate. If I made repentance for that thing immediately, the bad temper of my wife would disappear as well. This way, I would realize that my repentance was accepted.”

Hadrat ’Aliyy-ul-Havâs’ wife had been cross with him. His wife would use a separate cruse and a separate cup in order to oppose her husband. One day, because Hadrat ‘Aliyy-ul-Havâs had mistakenly drunk water from his wife’s cruse, she immediately broke the cruse. Hadrat did not even say “Why did you break the cruse?” and he behaved as if nothing had happened.

Nûraddîn Shûnî Effendi, the neighbor of Hadrat ’Uthmân al-Khattâb, tells: One night, I went out and saw a person covered with an old straw mat sleeping and said to him “Who are you? Why are you sleeping here?” He said: “O my neighbor, I am ‘Uthmân al-Khattâb. I went out to the street because my son’s mother expelled me from the house and I decided to sleep here until she calms down.”

Bad-tempered wife

Hadrat Ibn-i Ab-il-Hamâyil-i Sawrî’s wife was bad-tempered. She used to rail and not give him a break. On the other hand, that pious person would always be patient. Again one day, he escaped from the bad temper of his wife by flying. His wife looked from behind and said “Look at him, he thinks he will be saved from me by flying.” Since it is not possible for people like us to fly, we should try to stay away from any disputes and quarrels. We should not make an attempt to prove that we are right!

It is declared in hadîth-i sharîfs:
(Let not any Mu’min [Believer] get angry with his wife! If she has bad habits, she also has good habits.) [Muslim]

(Woman is weak. Defeat her weakness by keeping silent! Try not to see her faults at home!) [Ibn-i Lâl]

(The most superior of Muslims in terms of îmân [belief] is he who has the most beautiful morals, who treats his wife in the best, in the most gracious way.) [Tirmudhî]

(The best, the most beneficial of Muslims is he who is the best, the most beneficial towards his wife. Among you, I am the one who is the best, the most auspicious, the most beneficial towards his wife.) [Nasa’î]

(The salâts [ritual prayers] and fasts of those who do not observe the rights of their wives and children will not be acceptable.) [Murshid-un-nisâ]

(Namâzes [ritual prayers] and any good deeds of a woman will be unacceptable until her husband is contented.) [Tabarânî]

“Namâzes will be unacceptable” means that she will get clear of debt but will not earn the great thawâbs to be gained by performing namâz. It does not mean that her namâz will be wasted. If a woman’s husband is not contented with her, she will enter Paradise after suffering the punishment of her sin. Only kâfirs [disbelievers] cannot enter Paradise. Muslims will enter Paradise in the end even if they have many sins. It is purported in the Qur’ân al-karîm:
(Good women obey Allah and observe the rights of their husbands. When their husbands are absent, they guard their honor and property with the help of Allah.) [Sûrat-un-Nisâ 34]

When a man comes home, he should greet his wife, ask how she is and share her sadness and happiness because she is the one who is hopeless of others, his friend accustomed to him, the fellow sufferer, who makes him happy, raises his children and satisfies his needs. It is declared in hadîth-i sharîfs:
(On Doomsday, I will be the enemy of him who hits his wife unrighteously. He who hits his wife will be rebellious towards Allah and His Messenger.) [R. Nâsihîn]

(Do not torture your wives! They are entrusted to you by Allahu ta’âlâ. Be mild towards them and do favors!) [Muslim]

(The thawâb [blessing] of emancipating a slave is written in the deed-book of him who looks at his wife with a smiling face.) [R. Nâsihîn]

(Allahu ta’âlâ loves him who gets on well with his wife and banters with her and He increases their sustenance.) [I. Lâl]

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