Marriage and the Rights of Spouses

People of wisdom state:In order to be successful, we should not argue with or speak ill of or pick on anyone, for in such a case there is a danger that we may hurt a person's feelings (may Allah forbid!). Hadrat Imam an-Nawawi was both a scholar and a dear servant of Allah. However, he never got married. When people asked him, "Sir, you carry out all the obligatory and voluntary obligations and duties. But why do you not marry and follow this Prophetic practice [sunnah]?" he said in reply:

"I feel anxious that I may fall into forbidden actions while I am trying to perform a Prophetic practice. I fear greatly that I may hurt my wife's feelings or I may not earn sustenance through lawful means. Such fears are the reasons why I abstain from marrying. Is it possible not to be fearful of incurring divine punishment?"
It is not meant by these statements that people must not get married. Rather, marriage is a great blessing. A married person saves half of his religion, but at the same time he must not forget his spouse's rights. He who has learnt Islam fully and lives by it should not fear at all. However, he who has learnt or practices it wrongly will never be free from trouble and disasters. Problems and worries will not end in a house unless family members read a true Islamic book and put it into practice.

The lady whom a man marries is not a slave or a servant. Then what is her status? Our religious superiors stated: "Allahu ta'ala sent down from Paradise to the earth a blessing. But this blessing is not a copy of its original, but the real, genuine form itself. This blessing is a pious wife. A devout wife who wears hijab, guards her chastity, and performs acts of worship is a real blessing from Paradise."
One can only respect and love such a blessing of Paradise. Marriage is a beneficent gift, but married people have been put under a great responsibility. As a matter of fact, the most distressing questioning in the next world will be about human rights. Even prophets were afraid of the seventh question to be asked at the Sirat Bridge, which will be about the rights of human beings.

What is meant by the hadith-i sharif "Die before death" is as follows:

Our eyes will be opened in the Hereafter, and we will see all the facts. We will bitterly regret, but it will be of no avail. Then we must be regretful now before having regrets that day. We must feel sorry for the time we wasted doing nothing, for the sins we committed, for our misbehavior that hurt other people's feelings, that is, for all of our actions that were against our religion, because the time of regret will certainly come. We should assume that what will befall us after death has befallen us now and accustom ourselves to it. All of what is preached here today will actually happen in the world to come. For this reason, we should emigrate from this world to the next with preparations made in advance so that we may not be surprised there.

Being unable to find a marriage partner

Question: I am a 30-year-old female who have not been able to get married, though having no ethical or physical faults and defects. People around me are gossiping about me, saying, "She has been left on the shelf." I am in this situation through no fault of my own. Is it from qadar, too?

ANSWERThe heretical sect called the Jabriyyah puts the blame on qadar. As for the Mu'tazilite sect, it denies the role of qadar. Everything happens by the will and preordainment of Allahu ta'ala. Qadar is always from Allahu ta'ala, whether it is good or bad, sweet or dismal. Qadar is Allahu ta'ala's foreknowing in eternal past the things that will take place. Qada' is His creating anything just compatibly with qadar when the time comes.

After one takes measures and applies proper means, if one is not blessed with the lot of marriage, it will be wrong to distress oneself because of it. "Nasibuke yusibuke," as the saying goes. It means, "If something was preordained for you, you will certainly obtain it."

In order to be freed from troubles, to perform acts of worship comfortably, and to refrain from prohibited things, it is necessary to make du'a (supplication, prayer) with patience. Our Master the Prophet stated, "Du'a is the weapon of a Believer" (Ibn Abi ad-Dunya).

In addition to it, it is declared in the Qur'an al-karim, "O you who believe! Seek help from Allah through patience and salat" (Al-Baqarah 153).

As is seen, patience, salat, and du'a are of great importance. Trouble befalls man because of his insistence on some things. One should take precautions but should not rely on precautions, for precautions cannot thwart Allah's decree. It is fard to submit to Allah's decree and preordainment and to believe in it. It is declared in a hadith-i sharif:
(Being pleased with qadar is a sign of happiness. Being displeased with it is a sign of unhappiness.) [Tirmidhi]

Hadrat Muhammad Ma'thum says:
Worries and grief that befall man come by divine will and preordainment, so he should be pleased with them. He should keep performing acts of worship, endure worries and diseases with patience, and expect welfare from Allah's grace. He should not expect anything from creatures and should know well that everything comes from Allahu ta'ala. He should make supplication and ask for forgiveness so as to be delivered from grief and troubles. No one can harm anyone except by His will and decree. Nevertheless, applying means is the way of prophets. He should also ask Allahu ta'ala to give effectiveness to means. (Vol. 1, Letter 72)

Can a Muslim marry a Black, a German, a Japanese, a Gypsy, a Sunnite, an Alewite, a Christian, a Buddhist, or an atheist?

Question: Is there racial discrimination in Islam? Is there anything wrong with marrying a Black, a German, a Japanese, a Gypsy, a Sunnite, an Alewite, a Christian, a Buddhist, or an atheist?

ANSWERYou have not mentioned whether you are a male or a female because the answer to it differs according to sex. In Islam, it is permissible, though being makruh tahrimi, for Muslim males to marry the females from among the People of the Book [Christian and Jewish women]. However, it is not permissible for a Muslim female to marry a male from among the People of the Book. She goes out of the fold of Islam at the moment she intends to marry him. Both a Muslim male and a Muslim female cannot marry a Buddhist or an atheist. If they marry, this act takes them out of the fold of Islam.

There is by no means racial discrimination in our religion. There is religious discrimination. Being a Gypsy or a Black is a racial issue. There is no religious obstacle to marrying him/her if he/she is a pious Muslim.

A Muslim woman can marry a Muslim German or a Muslim Japanese. What matters is that he must be pious. He must perform five daily salats and abstain from forbidden things.

The most important qualities that a man must look for in a woman he will marry are that she must perform five daily salats and comply with the Islamic code of dress for women. If a woman who claims to be a Muslim does not perform five daily salats and does not observe the Islamic code of dress, it is a sin to marry her. Similarly, if a man who claims to be a Muslim does not perform five daily salats and does not abstain from forbidden actions, such as drinking, committing fornication, and stealing things, it is a sin to marry him. As a matter of fact, it is declared in the hadith-i sharifs written in the book Shir'at-ul Islam:

(Whoever marries his daughter to a fasiq, his supplications and acts of worship will not be accepted.)

(Whoever consents to marry a fasiq man, the statement "She despaired of Allah's mercy" will be written on her forehead when she rises up from her grave.)

(Whoever wants to get my shafa'ah [intercession], let him not marry his daughter to a fasiq.)
[The word fasiq is used for a person who commits sins flagrantly. For example, a person who does not perform salats or who does not observe the Islamic code of dress is a fasiq. It is not right to marry a fasiq, that is, someone who sins openly. Marrying someone with a corrupt faith in particular is in no way right.]

A Muslim male should marry a female who has manners, modesty, and good moral conduct, sufficient Islamic knowledge, is committed to Islam, and covers herself compatibly with Islam when she goes out. He should look for a girl who has chastity and who cares for her religion. Wealth and beauty should not be his priorities. He should not opt for wealth, beauty, race, or color at the sacrifice of chastity and piety. It is stated in hadith-i sharifs:

(One marries a woman either for her wealth or for her beauty or for her piety. Choose the one who is religious. A person who marries a woman because of her wealth will not be able to possess her wealth. A person who marries a woman only for her beauty will be deprived of her beauty.) [Muslim]

(He who marries a woman for her beauty and wealth will be deprived of both. However, both wealth and beauty will be given to him who marries a woman for her piety.) [Tabarani]

Conclusion:The person one will marry, whether a male or a female, must avoid forbidden actions, perform acts of worship, and have good moral qualities. One who values only physical appearance and who does not listen to the advice of experienced elders will suffer the bad consequences of it both in this world and in the world to come.

When one chooses a spouse, the criterion to be used is that the spouse should be a pious Muslim. His or her race and color is not important.