Being unable to find a marriage partner

Question: I am a 30-year-old female who have not been able to get married, though having no ethical or physical faults and defects. People around me are gossiping about me, saying, "She has been left on the shelf." I am in this situation through no fault of my own. Is it from qadar, too?

ANSWERThe heretical sect called the Jabriyyah puts the blame on qadar. As for the Mu'tazilite sect, it denies the role of qadar. Everything happens by the will and preordainment of Allahu ta'ala. Qadar is always from Allahu ta'ala, whether it is good or bad, sweet or dismal. Qadar is Allahu ta'ala's foreknowing in eternal past the things that will take place. Qada' is His creating anything just compatibly with qadar when the time comes.

After one takes measures and applies proper means, if one is not blessed with the lot of marriage, it will be wrong to distress oneself because of it. "Nasibuke yusibuke," as the saying goes. It means, "If something was preordained for you, you will certainly obtain it."

In order to be freed from troubles, to perform acts of worship comfortably, and to refrain from prohibited things, it is necessary to make du'a (supplication, prayer) with patience. Our Master the Prophet stated, "Du'a is the weapon of a Believer" (Ibn Abi ad-Dunya).

In addition to it, it is declared in the Qur'an al-karim, "O you who believe! Seek help from Allah through patience and salat" (Al-Baqarah 153).

As is seen, patience, salat, and du'a are of great importance. Trouble befalls man because of his insistence on some things. One should take precautions but should not rely on precautions, for precautions cannot thwart Allah's decree. It is fard to submit to Allah's decree and preordainment and to believe in it. It is declared in a hadith-i sharif:
(Being pleased with qadar is a sign of happiness. Being displeased with it is a sign of unhappiness.) [Tirmidhi]

Hadrat Muhammad Ma'thum says:
Worries and grief that befall man come by divine will and preordainment, so he should be pleased with them. He should keep performing acts of worship, endure worries and diseases with patience, and expect welfare from Allah's grace. He should not expect anything from creatures and should know well that everything comes from Allahu ta'ala. He should make supplication and ask for forgiveness so as to be delivered from grief and troubles. No one can harm anyone except by His will and decree. Nevertheless, applying means is the way of prophets. He should also ask Allahu ta'ala to give effectiveness to means. (Vol. 1, Letter 72)

Why did she become Muslim? LADY ZAYNAB EVELYN COMBOLD - (G.B.)

I am frequently asked why I became a Muslim. I am the daughter of a renowned family, and my husband also is well-known and rich. To those who ask me why I became a Muslim, I reply that I do not know for certain when the light of Islam rose in my soul. It seems to me as if I have been a Muslim forever. This is not something strange at all. For Islam is a natural and true religion. Every child is born as a Muslim. If it is left to itself, it will choose Islam, none else. As a European writer observes, "Islam is the religion of people with common sense."
 
If you made a comparative study of all religions, you would immediately see that Islam is the most perfect, the most natural, and the most logical. Owing to Islam, many complicated problems of the world are solved easily and mankind attains peace and tranquility. Islam always rejects the dogma that human beings are born sinful and that they have to expiate for it in the world. Muslims believe in Allah, who is one. In their eyes, Musa (Moses), Isa (Jesus), and Muhammad Mustafa 'salawatullahi ta'ala 'alaihim ajmain' are human beings like us. Allahu ta'ala has chosen them as Prophets to guide people to the right way. For doing penance, for asking for forgiveness, or for praying, there is no one between Allahu ta'ala and the born slave. We can supplicate Allahu ta'ala on our own any time, and we are responsible only for what we have done.

The word 'Islam' means both 'to surrender oneself to Allahu ta'ala' and 'to have belief in Muhammad 'alaihis-salam'. 'Muslim' means 'a person who lives in peace and happiness with all beings.' Islam is based on two fundamental facts:
 

1) That Allahu ta'ala is one, and that Muhammad 'alaihis-salam' is the final Prophet He has sent.
 

2) That humanity should be entirely freed from superstitions and unfounded dogmas. The Hajj, one of the (five) tenets of Islam, has a great impact on people. What other religion contains a form of worship as sublime as Islam's pilgrimage, which brings together hundreds of thousands of Muslims from all four corners of the world regardless of their classes, races, countries, colors and rank positions, and makes them put on the (uniformal garb called) Ihram and prostrate themselves with one accord before Allahu ta'ala? It is a certain fact that Muslims' worshiping together at these blessed places where the great Prophet 'sall-Allahu ta'ala 'alaihi wa sallam' announced Islam, struggled against Islam's enemies, exerted himself with great determination and firmness, will attach them to one another with stronger affections, whereby they will try to find solutions for one another's problems, and they will once again take an oath to cooperate along the way shown by Allahu ta'ala. Another use of the Hajj is that thereby Muslims all over the world meet one another, know one another's problems, and teach their personal experiences to one another. All Muslims assemble at the place whereto they turn their faces during their worships at home, and, all in one mass, one body in the presence of Allahu ta'ala, they surrender themselves to Him.

Seeing the Hajj once would suffice as an evidence to prove the greatness of Islam. Here is Islam, and I have been enjoying the pleasure and satisfaction of having entered this great religion. 


from the book: WHY DID THEY BECOME MUSLIMS?

The philomel of soul is ever-desirous of the rose;
Don't you ever presume fighting others is its real cause!

Ceaselessly it hovers round it, like a moth,
looking for a shelter where they could enjoy some repose.

 

I now know that the lovely rose has told none of its secret,
It always yearns for the philomel, like a budding rose.

 

From strangers that nymph has hidden her cheeks;

Unrequited love puts up with the thorn, never gets the rose.

Infatuated, the poor lover paces the road to his beloved;
Craving for the sweetheart, the lover himself dissolves.

WHAT IS A TRUE MUSLIM LIKE?

The first thing is to correct the belief in accordance with those which the Ahl as-sunnat savants communicate in their books. It is only this Madhhab that will be saved from Hell. May Allahu ta'ala give plenty of rewards for the efforts of those great people! Scholars of the four Madhhabs, who reached the grade of ijtihad and the great scholars educated by them are called Ahl as-sunnat scholars. After correcting the belief (iman), it is necessary to perform the worships conveyed in the knowledge of fiqh, i.e. to do the commands of the Shariat and to abstain from what it prohibits. One should perform namaz five times each day without reluctance or slackness, and should be careful about its conditions and tadil-i arkan. He who has as much money or property as nisab should give zakat. Imam-i azam Abu Hanifa says, "Also, it is necessary to give the zakat of gold and silver which women use as ornaments."

One should not waste his precious life on trivialities even if they are permitted (mubah). It is certainly necessary not to waste time on the haram. We should not busy ourselves with taghanni, singing, musical instruments, or songs. We should not be deceived by the pleasure they give our nafses. These are poisons mixed with honey and covered with sugar.

One should not commit giybat. Giybat is haram. [Giybat means to talk about a Muslim's or a Zimmi's secret faults behind his back. It is necessary to tell a Muslim about the faults of the Harbis, about the sins of those who commit these sins in public, about the evils of those who torment Muslims and who deceive Muslims in buying and selling. Thus, Muslims will be aware of their harms. To expose the slander of those who talk and write about Islam wrongfully is not giybat. (Radd-ul-Mukhtar: 5-263)]

One should not spread gossip (carry words) among Muslims. It has been declared that various kinds of torments will be inflicted on those who commit these two kinds of sins. Also, it is haram to lie and slander; these must be abstained from. These two evils were haram in every religion. Their punishments are very heavy. It is very thawab to conceal Muslims' defects, not to spread their secret sins and to forgive them for their faults. One should pity one's inferiors, those under one's command [such as wives, children, students, soldiers] and the poor. One should not reproach them for their faults. One should not hurt or beat or swear at those who are weak for trivial reasons. One should not attack another's property, life, honor, or chastity. Debts to anyone or to the government must be paid. Bribery, accepting or giving, is haram. However, it will not be bribery to give it in order to get rid of the suffering caused by a tyrant. But accepting this would be haram, too. Everybody should see his own defects, and should every hour think of the faults which he has committed towards Allahu ta'ala. He should always bear in mind that Allahu ta'ala does not hurry in punishing him, nor does He cut off his sustenance. The orders from one's parents, or from the government, compatible with the Sharia must be obeyed, but those incompatible with the Sharia should not be resisted in a way that will provoke fitna. [See the 123 rd letter in the second volume of the book Maktubat-i Mathumiyya.]
After correcting the belief and doing the commands of fiqh, one should spend all one's time remembering Allahu ta'ala. One should continue remembering and mentioning Allahu ta'ala as the great men of religion have prescribed. One should feel hostility towards all the things that will prevent the heart from remembering Allahu ta'ala. The more you adhere to the Shariat, the more delicious it will be to remember Him. As indolence and laziness increase in obeying the Shariat, that flavor will gradually decrease, eventually disappearing at last. What can I write more than what I have written already? It will be enough for a reasonable person. We should not fall into the traps of the enemies of Islam by falling for their lies and slanders.

How should a young Muslim woman dress?

A young woman should appear in a clean and modest dress which doesn't arouse any attention.

A girl too well dressed, especially in a decorative way, will provoke suspicion about her morals.

For a young woman to exhibit her private organs ,busts and legs, so that they will be appreciated, is a sign of corrupt morals.

It is a must for a young lady who cares about herself and her family's honor and dignity to dress modestly. A young lady dressing in a manner to hide her breasts while wearing a skirt which is full and ample is a sign that she is a modest house lady.

In society and in the streets, how should a young lady behave?

The most proper attitude for a young lady is to be modest, sincere, plain and someone not provoking attention.

A disrespectful and sarcastic attitude is a sign of corruption. A young lady with good conduct never looks at an unrelated male with concern and care. It is far better not to look at them at all if it is possible. This should be done naturally, not artificially. A lady’s glance over towards a man’s face encourages a sarcastic and aggressive man to become a pest.

A lady’s encouraging attitude towards a man will bring disaster. Human beings are different in character and habits as well as in their appearances. A smart and good-looking face does not necessarily indicate a person with good conduct.

Strolling in a carefree way to attract attention does not leave a good impression. Such a girl will be made fun of and teased.

A young lady’s manner of dressing, her way of walking, and her attitude all give an idea about her religious beliefs, morals and character.

source: serenityfountain.org