Being unable to find a marriage partner

Question: I am a 30-year-old female who have not been able to get married, though having no ethical or physical faults and defects. People around me are gossiping about me, saying, "She has been left on the shelf." I am in this situation through no fault of my own. Is it from qadar, too?

ANSWERThe heretical sect called the Jabriyyah puts the blame on qadar. As for the Mu'tazilite sect, it denies the role of qadar. Everything happens by the will and preordainment of Allahu ta'ala. Qadar is always from Allahu ta'ala, whether it is good or bad, sweet or dismal. Qadar is Allahu ta'ala's foreknowing in eternal past the things that will take place. Qada' is His creating anything just compatibly with qadar when the time comes.

After one takes measures and applies proper means, if one is not blessed with the lot of marriage, it will be wrong to distress oneself because of it. "Nasibuke yusibuke," as the saying goes. It means, "If something was preordained for you, you will certainly obtain it."

In order to be freed from troubles, to perform acts of worship comfortably, and to refrain from prohibited things, it is necessary to make du'a (supplication, prayer) with patience. Our Master the Prophet stated, "Du'a is the weapon of a Believer" (Ibn Abi ad-Dunya).

In addition to it, it is declared in the Qur'an al-karim, "O you who believe! Seek help from Allah through patience and salat" (Al-Baqarah 153).

As is seen, patience, salat, and du'a are of great importance. Trouble befalls man because of his insistence on some things. One should take precautions but should not rely on precautions, for precautions cannot thwart Allah's decree. It is fard to submit to Allah's decree and preordainment and to believe in it. It is declared in a hadith-i sharif:
(Being pleased with qadar is a sign of happiness. Being displeased with it is a sign of unhappiness.) [Tirmidhi]

Hadrat Muhammad Ma'thum says:
Worries and grief that befall man come by divine will and preordainment, so he should be pleased with them. He should keep performing acts of worship, endure worries and diseases with patience, and expect welfare from Allah's grace. He should not expect anything from creatures and should know well that everything comes from Allahu ta'ala. He should make supplication and ask for forgiveness so as to be delivered from grief and troubles. No one can harm anyone except by His will and decree. Nevertheless, applying means is the way of prophets. He should also ask Allahu ta'ala to give effectiveness to means. (Vol. 1, Letter 72)

Why did she become Muslim? Mrs. AMINA MOSLER - (German)

Why did I become a Muslim?


My son was asking me various questions, and I was unable to answer them. When he asked me, for instance, "Mummy, why are there three gods?" I was at a loss as to what to say because I myself did not believe in trinity, and yet I could not find another answer to convince him. Eventually, it was sometime during the year 1346 [C.E. 1928], and my son had reached a maturer age, when, one day, my son came to me, his eyes welling up with tears. He begged, "Mummy, I have been studying Islam. They believe in one creator. Their religion is the truest one. So I have decided to become a Muslim. Join me!" Upon his request, I, too, began to study the Islamic religion. I went to the Berlin mosque. The imam of the mosque gave me a cordial welcome and told me the essentials of Islam. As he spoke, I saw how right and logical his words were. Like my son, I, too, began to believe in the fact that Islam was the truest religion. First of all, Islam rejected trinity, which I had never been able to understand or accept since my youth. After examining Islam thoroughly, I realized the absurdity of such things as redemption, looking on the pope as an innocent being never prone to sin, baptism and many other rites of the same sort, I rejected all these falsities and embraced Islam.

All my ancestors were fanatical Catholics. I was raised in a Catholic monastery. I grew up totally under Christian education. Yet this sheer religious education that I had received helped me to choose the true religion that would guide me to Allahu ta'ala. For, all the good things that I had been taught throughout my education I found not in Christianity, but in Islam. I am so lucky to have accepted Islam.

Today I am a grandmother. I am so happy because my grandchild has been born as a Muslim. I know that Allahu ta'ala will always guide those people whom He has brought to the right way.

from the book: WHY DID THEY BECOME MUSLIMS?

What are the rights of a man on his wife?

A man, too, has many rights on his wife. A woman should get on well with her husband. It is declared in a hadîth-i sharîf:

(The jihâd [holy war] of a woman is to get on well with her husband.) [Tabarânî]

A woman used to welcome her husband and try to attain the contentment of him by saying beautiful words. Because of this behavior of hers, our Master the Prophet declared to her husband:
(Tell your wife, she has acquired half the blessings of a martyr!) [Shir’a]

It is easier for women to enter Paradise compared to men. A hadîth-i sharîf purports:
(If a woman performs the five daily prayers, fasts, protects herself from the nâ-mahram [not one of the eighteen men whom the Sharî’at has prescribed as a woman’s close relatives] and obeys her husband, she enters Paradise.) [Ibni Hibbân]

There is no fear for a woman who has attained the consent of her husband. Two hadîth-i sharîfs purport:
(A woman who dies with she having attained the consent of her husband enters Paradise.) [Tirmudhî]

(If a woman shows love for her husband, bears child and does not sleep until she reconciles her husband when she gets angry or when her husband gets angry with her, she is for Paradise.) [Tabarânî]

Jewelry is permissible for women. A woman should not put her husband into a difficult situation for buying jewelry and must not show her jewelry to the nâ-mahram [not one of the eighteen men whom the Sharî’at has prescribed as a woman’s close relatives]! If women observe these, their jewelry does not prevent them from entering Paradise. A hadîth-i sharîf purports:
(I saw that women were few in number in Paradise. I asked for the reason. They said: “Gold and jewelry kept them busy.”) [I. Ahmad]

She should be cheerful towards her husband, show her love and should not hurt him with her tongue. It is declared in a hadîth-i sharîf:
(On Doomsday, Allahu ta’âlâ makes the tongue of a woman who tortures her husband with her tongue 70 arshins long [an arshin is half a meter] and wraps it around her neck. In addition, He puts a woman who gives bad looks to her husband in such a situation that her head is cut off and her body is cut into pieces.) [Shir’a]

She should not be ungrateful to her husband by saying (You didn’t give me anything!) Two hadîth-i sharîfs purport:
(If they were not ungrateful to their husbands, those who performed namâz [ritual prayer] would immediately enter Paradise.) [Shir’a]

(I saw that women constituted the majority of the dwellers of Hell. The reason is that they curse frequently and are ungrateful to their husbands.) [Bukhârî]

If she did a favor for her husband, she should not taunt him with that. She should not hurt her husband for such things as food and dressing and should not demand from him what he cannot afford! She should keep her husband’s glory, try to attain his consent and try to please him in every deed! It is purported in a hadîth-i sharîf:
(The rights of a man on his wife are just like my rights on you. Therefore, she who does not observe the rights of her husband will have failed to observe the rights of Allahu ta’âlâ.) [Shir’a]

A woman should not hurt her husband.
(One day, Hadrat Fâtima came crying before her father. Rasûlullah [the Messenger of Allah] declared:
- O Fâtima, why are you crying?
- Alî got angry with me because of a word of mine which I said unintentionally. I apologized to him but I am crying since I hurt him.
- O my daughter, don’t you know, the consent of Allahu ta’âlâ is conditioned on the consent of husband. How lucky for a woman who always seeks the consent of her husband and with whom her husband is contented. The most superior act of worship for a woman is to obey her husband. When a man is contented with his wife, that woman earns the right to enter Paradise from any door she wants. A woman who hurts her husband will be under the curse of Allahu ta’âlâ until she makes him contented.) [R. Nâsihîn]

Observing the rights of her husband causes a woman to earn thawâbs [blessings] as if she made jihâd [holy war]. It is declared in hadîth-i sharîfs:
(Observing the rights of husband is just like making jihâd in the way of Allah.) [Tabarânî]

(A woman cannot perform supererogatory fast without her husband’s permission. If she does so, she will have remained hungry and thirsty; she cannot earn any thawâb. She cannot get out from home without her husband’s permission. If she does so, the angels in the sky curse her until she comes back home.) [Tabarânî]

(If a man calls his wife for his need, let her answer his need immediately, even if she is around a tandoor!) [Tirmudhî]

(If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses to come, the angels will curse her till morning.) [Bukhârî]

(Without her husband’s permission, a woman cannot spend her own property, either.) [Tabarânî]

(If a woman gets out from home without permission, everything on which the sun and the moon rise curses her until her husband is contented.) [Daylamî]

(A woman cannot let anyone [including her mother, father and siblings] in the house and cannot perform supererogatory prayers without her husband’s permission.) [Tabarânî]

(Prevent your wives from ornamenting themselves! The women of Banî Isrâîl [sons of Israel] were cursed because they ornamented themselves and walked to the masjid [the place where they worshipped] arrogantly.) [Ibn-i Mâja]

(Namâzes [ritual prayers] and any good deeds of a woman will be unacceptable until her husband is contented.) [Tabarânî]

The spouses should get on well with each other and try to attain each other’s consent.